A sixth sense-sheep!

Dear Teacher Buddha,

Greetings from the 21^st century!

First of all, i would like to express my deepest gratitude for inspiring human minds through last one hundred generation. i am grateful to have you as my teacher.

Seeing that you never considered yourself to be something other than a human being- an awakened one, i could hold my nerve here, and speak out my story sound. At least you know what it feels to be an ignorant human.

Since my childhood i had always considered myself that I was my own person, and i did what i thought i wanted to do in life. i assumed that some combination of knowledge, career, money, fame and love will drive away all of my woes. However, what i saw soon was that, in fact, they had made me miserable. My life didn't grow up the way i needed it to. In reality, it had become the way i wanted it, and never was really enough. i declared my life was worthless.

As going through the lifeless life whilst my mind was gulping some gallons of ignorance, one day, completely out of blue, i came across to this thought of yours, teacher Buddha.

“Do not believe me because you see me as your teacher. Don’t believe me because others do. And don’t believe anything because you've read it in a book, either. Don’t put your faith in reports, or tradition, or hearsay, or the authority of religious leaders or texts. Don’t rely on mere logic, or inference, or appearances, or speculation. Believe nothing unless it agrees with your own reason and your own commons sense.”

i was spellbound. i went again & again, word by word. Everything now had made sense with those 74 words. i had finally found the disease i was suffering from. And it was just that somehow i had started living someone else’s life along the way.

My mind didn't have a diet plan in the first place. It seems that i fed it thoughts from anyone & everywhere, without putting them into toxicity test. Thus i developed an obese mind, causing all the pains to me and others.

The beauty of human is his innocence, and it seemed i had lost it. i realized that all the hatred, warring, graveling and manipulation were my own doing. They came out of my own mind, out of my confusion, my insecurity and my ignorance, as I didn't awake to my own truth because I continued to live a lie, a life led by the thoughts & demands of others.

The world was so much organized and regulated with rules & conditions, and i saw it as a template for my living. It was a lockstep program of do’s & don’ts.

i followed what majorities followed. i accepted what the society believed. i adored who they acclaimed, and i criticized who they disapproved. i was comfortable with not knowing things for myself. And as if that are not enough there's this media indoctrination that decides what type & level of knowledge i would ultimately acquire.

As you taught, the problem here was not just that i believed in some prepackaged & easy to swallow story by people but the fact that i accepted them to be true without my own examining. If everyone liked something, then i felt it was necessarily likable. Plain & simple.

It was like how a parent would inquire about the groom by everyone in the village, except knowing through the groom himself.

I just failed to understand that people always told their versions of story. Someone said about other person was twisted from the total reality as his judgments were based on his likes & dislike, knowledge, ambition, experience and leaning of his own mind. They were always less than the truth. They were always subjective.

Instead of finding my life’s simple truth and reality, in all my emotions & feelings I imagined; I assumed; I believed; I expected; I speculated; I wished; I covered up the truths &  facts by just following the light of others, because the actual version came naked, and tasted bitter.

As you said, there actually in everything is something real, genuine and true for me to see, and seeing for myself what’s true is really the only way that I can genuinely know anything.

For instance, how i used to lose my sleep in fear when i was a kid believing in all the ghost stories i heard. i wouldn't have had that irrational fear or confusion if only i allowed myself to venture out in that dark and find out myself if those ghosts were real. I could have known then that they were just stories made up of people’s imagination. The problem was that I didn't suspend my criticisms & judgments until I genuinely knew about things.

As you say, “Truth can’t be expressed in words. It can only to be experienced. It’s directly seeing truth itself, prior to forming or hearing any ideas about it. Reality and truth are self evident.”

I did create distinction out of my own mind and believed them to be true. Thus the non verifiable & non factual truth ultimately brought me an incorrect perception about my life. Thus I gifted me confusions. I lost myself in the persuasion of power, materials, knowledge and fame believing society would judge me better.  And I was put out to prove myself to people whom I didn't even know in the first place.

I held, relied and adhered forever onto whatever I thought, believed and understood was true. There was this fixed view of myself & the world based on my present fluid-experience, and missed the reality & truth big-time.

I didn't realize that including my knowledge there’s nothing that’s everlasting & unchanging self. But i had this mindset where I framed everything as good & bad, above & below, eastern & western and rich & poor based on past history as well as that limited & ever-evolving knowledge of mine & the society.  It ultimately brought me confusions & problems since it simply never matched the reality.

Instead of cultivating this exquisite attention to the present moment- with openness and without judgment, I was so captivated by thought and emotions.

It like how one of my customers still believed that our product is inferior even now just because it failed about 8 years ago. But in reality, there was always a lot of change in the meantime happened to people, technology, infrastructure and quality of the product. So how come a conclusion here is logical without actually testing the product? 

Sad enough, many of my life’s truths were a carbon copy this scenario. I never reviewed my truth based on my motion & fluid experience. I resisted change. I ignored change I didn't get use of my reasoning & commonsense every time.

But, teacher, having had this crucial self-realization, i still have this fear of being booed away for finding my own truth since i have always needed approval from others to be myself. Seeing what’s right and what’s wrong beyond the “already in use” culture and age old traditions/belief is a punishable act to the society. 
It like when I differ from people, the world thinks something is wrong with me. Neat & clean.

Nevertheless I want to take this long unknown journey with the glowing light i have found in me through the help of your teaching, as this path will set me free forever from my all confusions & ignorance. And i could always draw some inspiration from the fact that you did that journey once, and never really looked back.

I would like to again thank for all your guidance & lessons. I take immense pride in being your student, teacher Buddha.

Thank you,

Yours faithfully,

my awakening soul.